It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
