Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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