hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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