Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
