I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
