so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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