dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
