wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize