I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
zippers are such a cool invention
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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