There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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