history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize