Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
