big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
