Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
