Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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