remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
