ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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