And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
