And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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