I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
