hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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