see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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