Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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