so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
