He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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