Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
