im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
