Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
