careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
