Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
