The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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