The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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