you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
