Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
