I met the friendliest cop last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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