One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
