can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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