I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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