she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
