sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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