i already hear my dad disowning me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
