Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
These tits shall not be calmed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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