fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
