you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
