i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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