but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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