i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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