I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
