90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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