Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
