what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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