great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
