This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
