A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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