mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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