spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize