Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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