why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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